Throw Away the Key.

Shutter Island

Directed By: Martin Scorsese

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Mark Ruffalo, & Ben Kingsley

Shutter Island is the kind of thriller I like. It has a story to tell, it has interesting characters that populate it, and it always knows something that we don't...even though it is basically screaming the truth from the very first frame. It begins with these ominous musical notes that are simultaneously booming and yet subtle, setting the stage for a very dark movie. Play the movie on mute and I suspect that much of its tension will be lost. We meet Teddy Daniels and Chuck Aule (Leonardo DiCaprio and Mark Ruffalo, respectively), two investigators who have been called to Ashecliffe, a mental hospital located on the decidedly dangerous-looking Shutter Island. Faintly reminiscent of Alcatraz (or, for the Harry Potter fans, Azkaban), it is the kind of place that looks like it could drive sane men crazy and crazy men...well, even crazier. Had Shutter Island been directed by a less capable director than Martin Scorsese (And, really, who isn't less capable than him?), I think Ashecliffe would have come off looking hokey...but Scorsese wisely commands the opening scenes, filling them with foreboding shots of the journey Teddy and Chuck make into Ashecliffe. It is as though we are being led inside...taken to the mysterious hospital...plunged into the nightmare.

The Line Between Right and Wrong

Splice

Directed By: Vincenzo Natali

Starring: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, & Delphine Chanéac

Splice is bound to be a divisive movie; if you take a group of your friends, I imagine that you will be evenly split into those that will like it and those that will hate it. In fact, I suspect that there will be some of you who will love it and leave the theater proudly proclaiming that it is the savior of the long-ailing horror genre. Now, I'm going to splice all of these reactions together (See what I did there?) and come up with a more accurate response. Splice is certainly fearless and surprising, thus making some people think that it's great. Splice is also consistently entertaining, thus appealling to people on a more basic level as well. But, Splice is also rather simplistic and obviously-manufactured, which is why some people will hate it. Blend all of this stuff together and wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am you have an above-average science fiction thriller that is entertaining, but not even remotely as groundbreaking as it should be. I know that that will disappoint some of you, but it's true. The good news is that Splice is so convinced it's important and unique that it just might convince you of it too, what with the abundant discussions of ethics in science and all. But, I point you in the direction of Deep Blue Sea, a movie that posed similar questions, but had the guilt-filled benefit of super smart sharks. And when I can justly compare an all-too-serious science fiction thriller with a movie about intelligent fish that starred LL Cool J, you know there's something not quite right with it all.

A Rom-Com with a Body Count

Killers

Directed By: Robert Luketic

Starring: Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, & Tom Sellek

I like good romantic comedies, and I'm not naive enough to think that there are many original approaches to the subgenre left. I get so sick of critics saying that a new romantic comedy is cliched, stereotypical, or unoriginal. Of course, they are! There are only so many ways for a couple to meet, fall in love, break up, and then get back together in the last act...and there have been hundreds, if not thousands, of romantic comedies over the years, each trying to stand out from the rest in some way. Frankly, critics' excuses for hating this kind of movie are even more tired than the most worn-out of romantic comedy. But, let's be fair, most new romantic comedies suck, even if you don't account for how much they borrow from previously-made movies. They suck because their screenplays are lifeless, their casts are uninspired, and they are filmed with all the gusto of brick wall. The movies lack inspiration because the filmmakers clearly aren't aiming to make anything more than a stereotypical rom-com; consider it a self-fulfilling prophesy, if you will. And, my friends, making a stereotypical romantic comedy and not caring because you expect to make a stereotypical romantic comedy are two very different things. Take for example, Killers, cliched and relatively by-the numbers, but entertaining and worth-a-watch because the filmmakers dare to have a little fun with the subgenre and to actually try to make a good movie.

Show Me Your Teeth

Daybreakers

Directed By: Michael & Peter Spierig

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Willem Dafoe, & Sam Neill

Vampires are definitely in style right now, what with True Blood mesmerizing television audiences and The Twilight Saga burning up the box-office. It is no surprise then that some filmmakers would swoop in to take advantage of such success, each hoping to snatch a little piece of the prize. And thus we arrive at Daybreakers, a movie written and directed by the Spierig brothers. Let me start off by saying that these two definitely know how to direct a stylish movie. Daybreakers simply looks phenomenal, with sleek production styles and halfway-decent special effects. Unfortunately, my compliments will, for the most part, end there. Other than that, Daybreakers is fairly awful. You can tell right from the get-go that this movie is only about vampires because, right now, vampires are profitable. Its basic plot, which features a world so overrun by vampires that human blood has become scarce, seems creative at first, until you realize that it is really a one-trick pony, developed as a flimsy facade to make audiences think they will actually be seeing a full-fledged story. Instead, they will actually be sitting through a concept that never fully takes off...though, I must admit, it's a pretty neat concept for the opening act.

Fun, Frivolous, and Downright Fabulous

Sex and the City 2

Directed By: Michael Patrick King

Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, & Cynthia Nixon

Critics have not been too kind to Sex and the City 2. Now, normally, I don't pay much attention to critics or their reviews. There is only one opinion that matters to me and that is my own. I do read Roger Ebert's reviews, as his writing is simply brilliant, and I also read a little-known critic named Dustin Putnam, whose unabashed courage in reviewing is very admirable (You can visit him at http://www.themovieboy.com/). Other than that, though, I don't really give a damn. Alas, I have been fascinated by the reviews of this movie, as so many of them are packed with a venom usually reserved for remakes of old horror movies. I'm not sure why, though I would be willing to bet it could have something to do with the recent economic downturn. Critics, not surprisingly, have been hit hard, as their jobs are not, you know, crucial to the survival of our species. It must then be rather demoralizing to watch a movie like Sex and the City 2 that features characters who, though they do discuss the recession in passing, seem to have only become richer and richer since the first movie. When one character bemoans the fact that she wasn't able to sell her second apartment in Manhattan because of the housing crisis and thus must simply hold on to it for frivolous uses here and there, even I have to admit that it could be interpreted as rather insulting.

The Tin Man Strikes Back

Iron Man 2

Directed By: Jon Favreau

Starring: Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, & Mickey Rourke

For those of you who are wondering, no, Iron Man 2 is not as good as its wonderful predecessor, a movie that helped launch the comic book subgenre into legitimacy. The good news, my friends: it is actually a good movie, anyway. It ramps up the action two-fold and introduces a slew of intriguing new characters, all well-played by the new additions to the cast, including the likes of Mickey Rourke and Scarlett Johansson. But, for all that it adds to its storyline, it loses a little bit of the heart and soul that made the first Iron Man an unexpected critical and commercial success back in 2008. Though it starts off on a pitch-perfect note by immediately reintroducing us into the charming life of Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) and maintains its momentum for a while, shortly after the first showdown between Stark and this movie's signature villain, Ivan Vanko (Mickey Rourke), at a soon-to-be-destroyed racetrack, Iron Man 2 hits a wall of sorts that leads it into a noticeably drab slump for the duration of its bulky mid-section. Fortunately for Stark and company, it regains its footing well enough in advance to conclude with a literal bang, an ending that is bigger and better than that of Iron Man in just about every way imaginable and lets the audience leave on a high note that will surely stick with them more than the slightly disappointing middle.

Like a Dagger to My Heart

The Descent: Part 2

Directed By: Jon Harris

Starring: Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Mendoza, & Krysten Cummings

It is not an exaggeration to say that The Descent is probably the best horror movie of the last decade. It was a brilliantly scary and emotionally compelling movie that single-handedly upped the ante for modern horror. When it was announced that a sequel would be made, I was immediately hesitant. After all, Neil Marshall's masterful original (with the original ending, not the dreadful American edit) was so wonderfully self-contained. It told a story that had a perfect beginning, a perfect middle, and a perfect ending. When I learned that the sequel would not have Neil Marshall involved as writer or director (he did both for The Descent) and that it would inexplicably use the American ending as a basis, I was dismayed. Already, my relationship with The Descent: Part 2 had hit a snag. But being the die hard fan of the original that I am, I was determined to make my relationship with this sequel work somehow. I rewatched the original ahead of time, reminding myself just how flawless it really is, and then headed into this movie with a sense of dread. By the time we witness one of the cave creatures pooping into a pool of excrement that contains the two main characters, it was safe to say that I was finished with everything about this sequel. By the time the atrocious ending, which promises yet another unwanted sequel, kicked into play, I was clawing my eyeballs out of my head.

Thank God for Adams and Goode

Leap Year

Directed By: Anand Tucker

Starring: Amy Adams, Matthew Goode, & Adam Scott

I have never understood characters that stalk off into unfamiliar terrain just because they are mad or upset...as though getting lost and possibly maimed or killed will somehow win them justice in the end. In Leap Year, Amy Adams huffs around so much that you begin to think she should permanently trade in her high heels for a nice pair of Skechers Shape-Ups. She is in Ireland, a place we learn is not as idyllic as it looks; there are ruggedly handsome jerks and boozers who steal luggage for no apparent reason. The last time I checked, the value of a bra depreciates significantly once it's worn, but I digress. Leap Year, written by Deborah Kaplan and Harry Elfont, has a really lame script. It isn't particularly funny or creative, and its narrative structure is poor to say the least...but, gosh darn it, the movie manages to make it work anyway. That is because of Amy Adams and Matthew Goode, both of whom are as charming as ever. They are two great actors simply slumming it in an old-fashioned romantic comedy, the quickest and easiest way in Hollywood to earn all-too-important box-office clout. It's kind of unfortunate to watch them give such good performances in an otherwise disappointing movie, but it's also kind of remarkable that they alone can make such material undeniably watchable...even enjoyable.

One...Two...Freddy's Coming for You

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Directed By: Samuel Bayer

Starring: Jackie Earle Haley, Rooney Mara, & Katie Cassidy

The idea that Wes Craven's A Nightmare on Elm Street needed a remake is blasphemous to many movie fans, including myself. Having seen it a countless number of times over the years, I have practically memorized every scene, even every line. It's not surprising that someone would want to remake it, though I cannot figure out why they wouldn't have chosen to make another sequel instead. Back in 2003 (which isn't that long ago, even in the film industry), Freddy Vs. Jason grossed approximately $82 million domestically. For those of you keeping score at home, that is $18 million more than the Platinum Dunes remake of Friday the 13th made just last year. Alas, a remake has been made; Michael Bay produced it and Samuel Bayer directed it. They replaced the beloved Robert Englund with Jackie Earle Haley in the infamous role of Freddy Krueger, and cast the relatively unknown Rooney Mara in the role of Nancy Thompson, now inexplicably renamed as Nancy Holbrook. The end product is about what I expected. I didn't go into this expecting a revolutionary remake that somehow transcended its predecessor, because that just wasn't possible. I expected an entertaining, well-made horror movie, and that is exactly what I got.